Life’s a Mother

photo: newborn outfit given to me as a gift when I announced my first and only pregnancy.

I want to open today’s post by honoring all of the mothers who are reading this. Mothering, and, womaning, in general, is often a thankless job. Thank you for doing one of the hardest jobs there is.

I want to open today’s post by honoring all of the motherless daughters and sons who are reading this. Whether she has passed or if other circumstances dictate that she is not in your life, it’s not easy.

I want to open today’s post by honoring all of the mothers who have lost children of any age.

I want to open today’s post by honoring all of the women who wanted to claim the title of mother, but for whatever reason, were not able to.

I want to open today’s post by honoring all of the women who are still trying to achieve their greatest Hope and Dream.

I see you.

This year is my fifteenth Mother’s Day as a childless mother.

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that I was pregnant once. I only knew that I was pregnant for ten days before the pregnancy ended. In some alternate, parallel universe, I am the parent of a (no doubt) snarky fourteen-year-old.

But in this universe, I have spent more than a decade steeped in a culture that says it prioritizes motherhood for women, above all else (although it does not treat mothers or women accordingly… but that’s a different post for a different day). In this universe, I have spent more than a decade not quite fitting in. In this universe, I have spent more than a decade envying others, and, surely, being envied (I’m not blind to the extremely unglamorous parts of motherhood, which are many). In this universe, I have spent more than a decade waiting for the trajectory of my life to right itself. In this universe, I am learning to accept that probably will never happen, at least not in the way I’d always hoped and dreamed it would.

To all of you who have children in your lives, be they ones you bore, ones you adopted, or ones you took in, I Hope you find moments of gratitude in the gift of that, even in the midst of all of the not-glamour and unappreciation.

To all of you who do not have a mother or do not have children in your lives, despite the circumstances, I wish you the ability to sit in Peace with that.

To my partner, who made the decision to create his family through adoption, and who shares his amazing children with me, Thank You.

As always, I welcome your thoughtful comments.

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